Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
