You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
