Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
