the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
