ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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