Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you traded sex for a burrito?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
