I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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