At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
