I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
sex in a hospital.. check
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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