Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
