just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
