how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
