Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
