Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
