well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
