just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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