3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
and you said cock pushups were impossible
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
