pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
