Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
