You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
