Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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