You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize