I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize