she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
