she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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