Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
