you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
