I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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