How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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