I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
