Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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