I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
