she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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