I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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