went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
