I can text with my tongue
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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