I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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