Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
