bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
