I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
