I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
love makes seman taste better
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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