he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
