Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
