its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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