Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
