The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
