we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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