My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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