just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
