Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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