I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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