if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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