You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My hand turned me down
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
