she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
