is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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