Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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