you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize