she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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