i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
