tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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