Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
