just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize