Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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